Mini Reviews (August 2001)

For Keeps (August 2/01)

For Keeps takes a potentially intriguing subject (two teenagers attempting to start their lives together) and piles on cliche after cliche, until it's about as compelling as an afterschool special. Molly Ringwald, in one of her last pre-erotic thriller performances, stars as a young woman that finds herself pregnant by her long-time boyfriend, and the two decide to settle down and start a family. Obviously, it's not as easy as they might have hoped. Every possible cliche you could think of is thrown into the mix - from strained relationships with parents to alcoholism to Ringwald being on the business end of some serious resentment from her classmates - For Keeps really runs the gamut. And in the process, almost becomes a parody of itself. But it's reasonably entertaining, I guess, and various celebs pop up in pre-fame bit parts (Pauly Shore and Larry "Dr. Giggles" Drake, to name a couple).

out of

Crocodile (August 2/01)

Oh, how I wanted to enjoy Crocodile. It's directed by Tobe "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" Hooper and features a bikini-clad water-skier about to be chomped by a gigantic croc on the cover. Alas, that scene never appeared (shouldn't this fall under false advertising?). Crocodile is Hooper's attempt to cash in on the teen horror craze, but proves that he'd better just stick to movies with freaks in them. A bunch of idiotic teens and a puppy are on summer holiday and what better way to spend a week than to take a creaky-looking houseboat out for a spin? But wouldn't you know it, their cavorting and frolicking is soon put to an end by a nasty (and apparently ancient) crocodile, who's taken to eating the kids for sport. The only thing I'm looking for in a movie of this sort is a lot of scenes featuring the killer croc eating people. That's it. Exposition, character development - that stuff is completely superfluous in a movie like this. But, I suppose due to a low budget, Crocodile features hardly any violence and/or gore (even Lake Placid, which was incredibly non-gruesome, was better in this department). What we wind up getting, then, is lots of scenes of 90210-esque squabbling and fights between couples. Who cares? And by the time the croc does decide to get down to business, I'd lost all interest (but even then, they still didn't show anything - it was mostly someone screaming in the distance and a loud chomping noise).

out of

Cop (August 2/01)

The less said about Cop the better. Aside from a great ending, the film doesn't really have much going for it. Cop stars James Woods as a Determined Cop who's not going to let his Angry Captain stop him from catching a Crazed Serial Killer. Yes, Cop revels in cliches - but sometimes cliches can be a good thing. But only if you're willing to try something new and exciting and work around the cliches. Cop doesn't do this. And besides all that, it's extraordinarily slow-paced. Much of the flick consists of Woods running around trying to find clues - or just attempting to date an ex-hooker. Woods is good (but then, he's always good), but he's never given anything to do. Cop might have worked better as a 20-minute short. But kudos to that cool ending, which poses more questions than it answers but is regardless very badass.

out of

Double Take (August 31/01)

Double Take spends most of its running time being so incredibly confusing that by the time everything's explained in the last 15 minutes, you've completely lost interest (well, I had anyway). Orlando Jones stars as a successful businessman that finds himself on the run after being framed for murder, while motormouth "comic" Eddie Griffin stars as an "obnoxious little sprite" that seems to always know exactly where Jones is going to be. The real problem with Double Take, besides not being even a little bit funny (that part from the trailer, the "Schlit's Malt Liquor" scene, is certainly the highlight) is that it just doesn't make any sense most of the time. Who is Griffin? It's not explained until the very end and until then, he's so irritating that you just don't care. And there's no plot here, either, just a rambling series of sequences loosely strung together. Skip this and rent Midnight Run, instead (which, perhaps not coincidentally, was written by this flick's director).